In a brazen new move leading paediatric psychiatrists are calling for the eradication of child proof bottles.
All bottles, they claim, should have those annoying 'push down and unscrew' bottle tops replaced with the more user-friendly type.
Leading psychiatrist and co author of The Diagnostic and Statistical Invention Manual of Disorders (DIM), Prof. Ian Nutter, said, "It seems pointless these days manufacturing child-proof bottles when the majority of mental disorders we conjure up are aimed at this particular population."
Most major pharmaceutical companies are expected to back the proposal. Dick Stillhard, CEO of pharma giants, FakeoJonesKlutz [FJK], told a packed seminar, "For years children have had difficulty in opening our product range. We live in a time where children are our biggest customers and we wish to make it easier for them to access the medicines that have been prescribed to them."
When questioned about the safety and protection of children Fakeo spokesperson, Dr Jenna Side, said, "The safety of the patients, including children, who take our medicines is of fundamental importance to FakeoJonesKlutz. We take very seriously our commitment to patient safety."
World wide medicine regulators are also expected to back the move. In a press statement, Mike Oxbig, communications officer and representative of the regulative industry, said, "We have discussed this issue with our attorneys and see no reason why it should not be implemented with immediate effect. It would be hypocritical of us to oppose this motion seeing as we allow children to take medicine that was meant for adults, such as Fuxil, Poozac, LeFuxor and other medicines of those ilk."
The move is set to enrage patient groups and regulators are expecting a deluge of Freedom of Information requests [FOI] from activists. Attorneys for the medicine regulators, Ben Dover & Swindle Associates, have said to have already printed off over 100,000 standard replies using such words as 'may', 'could', 'possibly', 'perhaps' and 'vexatious'. FOI rules and regulations have also been updated in compliance with those of the pharmaceutical industry. A regulations spokeswoman, Cy Kocess, pointed out that this would just be happening with medicines and not with dangerous household goods such as bleach, disinfectant and glucose drinks.
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