5 years ago today my partner lost her only child to suicide.
5 years ago today my partner returned home from work and was faced with the most horrific tragedy any mother should have to endure.
5 years ago today 17 year old Toran Henry said his goodbye because he didn't know any other way to combat the suffering that the antidepressant, fluox [Prozac] was causing him.
5 years on and Mylan, the pharmaceutical company that manufacture fluox have openly admitted that fluox was the most probable cause of Toran's induced suicide.
5 years on and the trainee psychiatrist who told Toran to stop taking his fluox at weekends so he could drink up to six beers, is still a trainee psychiatrist.
5 years on sees fluox still being prescribed to children and adolescents.
I never knew Toran but I have lived with his memories for the past 10 months since my move to New Zealand.
I do know that he would be very proud of his mother, I do know that if he could offer Maria one thing today it would be his arms around her.
5 years and the pain is as fresh as it was on that fateful day.
I'll never know that pain, never be able to fully understand a mother's loss.
Waitemata District Health Board, who were 'caring' for Toran, saw fit to prescribe him fluox. He had no diagnosis of a mental disorder. They saw fit to put him in the care of a trainee psychiatrist who assessed Toran outside a public cafe.
It's taken Mylan 5 years to admit their role in Toran's suicide, namely they made the drug that was the probable cause of his death.
Waitemata District Health Board and Zoran Simovik, Toran's trainee psychiatrist, have never apologised.
Mylan pharmaceuticals have never apologised.
I'm lost for words.
5 years amounts to 1,826 days, 43,829 hours, 2,629,743.83 minutes - each one excruciatingly filled with loss.
Mylan's CEO, Heather Bresch, is a mother with four children.
Zoran Simovik has one child, his whereabouts is currently unknown.
I'm sorry Maria. I cannot relate to the loss you feel, I can only pretend that I think I can.
I'm sorry that I'm not always there for you.
I'm sorry that you have had to endure such a journey and I'm sorry that the likes of the aforementioned have blackened hearts.
Rest in Peace Toran.
JOIN THE FIDDAMAN BLOG ON FACEBOOK