Every now and again I offer readers the chance to write a guest post for this blog. It's proved very popular, in fact the two of the most popular posts on this blog are guest posts. [see Prescription Drug Suicide and Involuntary Transformation]
There are many people who want to tell their story.
Today's story was written by Elaine Billings. Elaine's son had been prescribed Zoloft [Pfizer] and Wellbutrin [aka Zyban - GlaxoSmithKline] for anxiety.
Tommy was 42.
September 8, 2011:
I looked out my dining room window, and I watched my son mowing his lawn for a while. I hadn't seen him for about ten days, because he had been working at The New York State Fair in Syracuse, NY. Something he had done for the last ten years or so. I stood there near that window smiling, as only a mother could smile at her own child. I told myself, I would call him later in the day and invite him and his family to dinner the next day. Friday the 9th that is, and I would make one of his favorite meals, Macaroni and Cheese and Fried Fish. I already knew he'd say yes, and I was content and happy with my life. How could I have foreseen, that it would be the last time, I would see my beloved son, alive!
My husband had gone downtown earlier in the afternoon to run some errands. When he came home he said, "boy there's a lot of things going on in town today!" I replied, "really what's going on?" He said, "while I was in the drug store, I heard someone telling that a man had committed suicide in town." I said, "Oh no, I hope it isn't anyone we know!" Just a few minutes after that conversation, my world ceased, and I plummeted into Hell!
You see, my daughter in-law walked into the house crying, and I thought something happened to her mother. Because her mom had been sick, and I knew they were out together. I got up from my computer, and went to her. I put my my hands on her, and asked, "what's the matter Tina, has something happened to your mom?" She shook her head no. I looked into her eyes and said in a questioning way, "Tommy?" In those few seconds before she spoke, a thought raced through my mind, Tommy had been in a car accident, but he would be okay. I would take care of him! That's what moms do, when their children are sick, or in a car accident. We get them better! That is not what she said to me. Words, that no mother ever should hear in her life, this I know. She said, "Tommy committed suicide" I looked at her and screamed. She repeated it, "Tommy committed suicide". I was on the floor rolling and rolling, back and forth, and I was screaming, I couldn't stop. "NO! NO! PLEASE GOD, NO! NOT MY SON! OH GOD, NO!" I could hear Bill, in the background somewhere. He kept saying, I can't believe it, I can't believe it, all the while I was screaming.
People were in my house, I didn't know who they were. Why are there strange people in my house? Who are these people? Maybe, they are going to help me! Yes, maybe they are here to help get my son back to me!! Yes, that's it, I will tell them that Tina said, Tommy committed suicide, and they will help me. What is happening? Dear God, this can not be true! No, not my son, not my Tommy. Why did Tina tell me my son committed suicide, he wouldn't do that?
That's a terrible thing to say, to a mother. I must be dead! That's it, I am dead and in Hell. Then, I hear myself screaming, "NO! NO!", I scream and scream.
Someone was checking me over. I looked him in the eyes. I said, "oh dear God, will you help me please?"
"My son, my son is dead."
Next thing I know is that I'm in an ambulance, where are they bringing me? Why is no one talking, or helping me get my son back home to me? I hear myself begging, I promise I will do anything for anyone just give me back my son.
The doctor walks in, he asked me what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me? My son is dead, that's whats wrong with me. I think I asked him if he could get my son back to me. Oh please God, don't take my son! I need my son! I love my son! It was some kind of terrible mistake. The doctor gave me a shot. In a few minutes, I calmed down! I felt like I wasn't here in this world, it felt unreal like I was watching some kind of horror show. This is a mistake, that's it, I am having a nightmare. I am going to wake up and tell my husband. I will say, "Bill, I had a terrible nightmare, it was the worse nightmare a mother could have! I dreamed Tommy was dead." But, it wasn't a nightmare, it was worse than any nightmare a mom could ever have!
I lost my voice for days. Shocked and heavy medications kicked in. I stopped crying, begging, breathing. I was in a drug induced daze. I would just quietly say, Tommy wouldn't do that to himself, he just wouldn't! I know my son, and he was a happy man, he wasn't suicidal! I would have known that, I am his mother for God's sake!
A few nights later, I was in my in my bed, and Tommy came to me. I heard his voice as though he were in the room with me. He said, "Mom, help me, I didn't mean to do it". I looked up and I said, "Tommy, I can't help you, you are already dead!" Dear God, already dead.
The next day, I called my daughter in-law, I asked her was Tommy on any medications? She said, yes, Zoloft and Wellbutrin.
Later, I got on my computer to see if these drugs had anything to do with Tommy's suicide. What I found out stunned me, made me sick, and angered the hell out of me. It is now seventeen long months, of sheer hell.
There is not a human being in this whole world that could even imagine, the unimaginable, incomprehensible agony I am suffering, unless they too have lost a child. The last thing I did for my son, out of love was to read his autopsy report. To stand witness to what happened to this child of mine. I read what that gun did to my beautiful child .
The things I found out about SSRI Drugs. The deaths, the destruction, the toll paid to human life, the lies, deception, hidden unfavorable trial study results, ghostwriters, money exchanging hands to prestigious university Professors who sign their names (sometimes without even bothering to read the paper) to favorable manipulated studies.
I learned that if results are bad, they are not submitted to the FDA, even that members of the FDA have a vested interest in the drug business. Lawsuits are settled out of court with gag orders in place. No one is standing up and telling the truth. Drug representatives tout to doctors the latest, and greatest anti-psychotics and antidepressants on the market. Because the more of these drugs that get prescribed to patients, the bigger their bonuses are. Doctors who prescribe without seeing their patients just a phone call will do, and no follow up with their patients.
Once prescribed psychiatric drugs you can stay on them for a life time. This was some thing I never knew. Weren't they (the drugs) just supposed to get someone through depression?
I learned about the black box warnings, the most stringent warning the FDA can administer.
May cause; Suicidal Ideation, Psychosis, Hallucinations, Depersonalization, Hostility, Impuslsivity, and on and on.
Money to be had, that's for sure. It really is the bottom line, MONEY! They are not trying to make people well, they are trying to make people sick! Because the more sick people the bigger the profits, end of story!
My son had anxiety, a label given to him by some doctor who probably saw him once or twice. How did he come up with that diagnosis? Well it's right there in the DSM, the psychiatric bible. A committee gets together and they discuss symptoms, they group them so they can then give them a label, disorder, diagnosis.
Now, insurance companies will be able to pay to give the drugs to unsuspecting consumers. Funny! Well, not so funny, but pharmaceutical companies and the scientific evidence suggests that depression and some kinds of anxiety disorders "maybe" caused, by a "chemical imbalance" in the brain! Yet, there are no blood tests, x-rays, MRI'S, cat scans that can show this to be true.
Psychiatrist's cannot predict what adverse side effects you might experience because, (are you ready for this) ...not one of them knows how their drugs work. Just great, they make dangerous drugs to change our natural brain functions and they don't have a clue how they work! Homicide and suicide is the ultimate sacrifice that these drugs produce, because of their side effects.
The story doesn't end there.
The damage done to people's physical, mental, and spiritual bodies is far reaching. It can literally take years to recover and heal the body and brain from the use of these drugs and in many instances never. I know this because I have read hundreds of stories of agony placed on human lives by doctors who don't even know the debilitating outcome from these drugs.
I know many wonderful, intelligent, strong truth tellers and it would boggle the average citizen's mind to even know or understand the destructive, life altering consequences, from the taking all kinds of psychiatric drugs. Unless you, or someone you know and love was a victim of the drug lies.
Another fact about these drugs are the dangerous withdrawals from them. It's not an easy or quick process to wean off them. Just think it through, these chemicals, (which is what they are) have been used in many cases for years and years. Why do people stay on them? Because we want to believe our doctors.
If you tell them you are having strange side effects they may try you on a different drug or add to what you are already taking. A cocktail if you will. A drug to take care of the bad effect you are having on the first drug. Doctors tell their victims, (patients) you are defective and you are never going to get better, you must stay on these drugs for your life. It's a lie.
I am not a doctor, but my advice to all of you reading this is to heed the black box warnings.
If they [FDA] say, suicidal ideation, hostility, impulsivity, akathisia, mania, panic attacks, insomnia, depersonalization, heart attacks, sudden death and more, they say it for a reason. It's not because one person had a certain symptom or side effect that they list it in the warning.
Believe me big pharma doesn't want to scare people away, they want customers. Don't be fooled by the age limit either. The warnings saying short-term placebo-controlled trials of antidepressant drugs increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children, adolescents, and young adults. My son was 42 years old. He was a husband, father, brother, nephew, cousin, friend and son. He loved his family and his life. He was never suicidal in his life....it was the antidepressants that killed my son. Let anyone try to prove me wrong.
Before you accept any psychotropic drug ask for full disclosure, research it at the library, computer, a college or university, buy a book or two on the subject of psychotropic drugs and their effects on the human brain. There are many people who can give you the straight up facts. People who have been studying the sad truthful results for years, decades. Who have testified at court proceedings, about the warnings of suicide and homicide. When all is said and done, we might also come to realize mass shootings may also be attributed to psychiatric medication as well. You owe it to yourselves, and your loved ones to be informed of potential deadly outcomes.
And me? Maybe you are wondering how I am. I will never be the woman and mother I was before my son died. A piece of me died on that September afternoon. I am left with pictures and memories. His sisters, lost their big brother that day. Tommy's dad lost his only son. Tommy will never see his beautiful children grow up. He will never get to hold grandchildren on his knee. His wife, a widow in her thirties, will not have her husband to grow old with. His children, fatherless, no more catch out in the back yard. No more helping with school work. Their daddy will not be there to witness their great accomplishments or their little ones. A lot was taken from this family the day Zoloft and Wellbutrin took Tommy's life. Rest in peace Tommy, and know that Mommy loves you bigger than the whole world.
If you wish to contact Elaine you can do so via her Facebook page here.
|Thomas E. Fort Jr. |
Ilion, New York--Thomas E. Fort Jr. age 42, passed away, on Thursday afternoon on September 8, 2011, In Ilion, NY. He was born on January 25, 1969, in Ilion, son of Thomas E. Fort Sr., of Ilion, and Elaine P. (Baker) Billings, of Ilion. He graduated from Utica College with a degree in Criminal Justice. On September 23, 1995, he was joined in marriage with Tina M. Failing in Annunciation Church, Ilion; a union of nearly 16 years. He entered into service with the New York State Police on October 12, 1992, and earned the rank of Investigator on February 4, 1999, an eventually the rank of Sgt. on May 3, 2007. During his eighteen year tenure with the State Police, he was a hostage negotiator, crime scene technician and a polygraphist.
Tom was successful in the personal roles of his life and devoted to his family which earned him the admiration and respect of his wife and children. He served as an excellent and inspiring role model while performing his duties as a New York State Trooper and eventually as a Sgt. and Investigator. He loved sports, golfing and especially coaching his children's sports teams. Tom will be forever remember by his family and friends.
Survivors include his beloved family family; his wife, Tina M. (Failing ) Fort, of Ilion; a daughter Morgan Fort; a son. Brett Fort; his mother and step-father Elaine and William Billings, of Ilion; his father, Thomas Fort, Sr., of Ilion; mother in-law Donna Bailey, of Little Falls; father in-law, Marty Failing; of Little Falls; grandmother, Eleanor Kuhner, of Ilion; sisters and brother in-laws, Nicole and Gary Stuart, of Scotia, and Kelly and Sam Dickenson, of Glens Falls; brother-in-law and companion, Paul Failing and Adrain DePetro, of Little Falls; a step brother and sister in-law, Steve and Amy Billings, of Dolgeville; numerous aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins; as well as many great friends. He was predeceased in death by his maternal grandfather, Frank Baker; paternal grandparents, Leland and Betty Fort; and by an uncle, Robert Fort.
If you or anyone you know has been affected by suicide and you wish to talk about it then please contact Casper, the New Zealand based suicide prevention charity.
If you would like the opportunity to write a guest post for this blog then please contact me using the contact tab at the top of this blog or contact me via my Facebook page [click the Facebook logo below and 'Like' page]