Those limp-wristed buffoons, the MHRA, are on the lookout for a Pharmaceutical Assessor.
They have 6 positions. If successful I'll put a good word in for five of my friends.
Reporting to the Unit Manager in a Product Licensing Assessment Team, Pharmaceutical Assessors are required to assess the quality aspects of both initial and variation applications for marketing authorisations for chemical products and take decisions on their suitability for approval.
**Jumps up and down waving arms in the air shouting "ME, ME, ME."**
I'd much rather make my application public. So here goes.
First, there are, apparently, a few things I need to know.
If you are a successful candidate you will be expected to undertake Basic Checks.
Okay, will I need to take my clothes off for these 'basic checks'? Should I wear the thong and shave the bush? I have no visible scars due to self-harm, although I did once try to kill myself whilst on Seroxat. Sadly, no marks as I chose death by overdose.
Grade entry qualifications
Degree in pharmacy and registration with the GPhC or eligible to be registered with the GPhC through equivalent registration body for pharmacists in another EC country.
Oh fook! I fell at the first hurdle.
Um, how about my experience in speaking with patients harmed by antidepressants. You know, the parents whose kids killed themselves whilst taking medication that you, as a regulator, failed to flag as being dangerous. Anyway, it's blindly obvious, to me at least, that qualifications for these positions mean nothing. I think you need someone who can see beyond the spin that pharmaceutical companies throw your way when applying for a licence. I can smell the bullshit a mile off.
To apply for this post, please email the following documentation by the closing date specified:
a copy of your CV (max 4 pages);
How bout I just send you 4 pages of my blog instead? In any event, I'm sure you know more about me than...well, than I do.
Now the interesting part. Here's where I get to state reasons for why I should get the job.
I would love the position of Pharmaceutical Assessor because I would get to meet your CEO, Ian Hudson. I've always wanted to meet him. You see, Hudson used to be World Safety Officer at GlaxoSmithKline and you pretty much know how I feel about them, right?
I'd love to have tea and sticky buns with him so we could discuss the case of Donald Schell. He's familiar with it as he was depositioned by American attorneys. Some of his answers to the questions that prosecuting attorneys put to him were priceless. Oh, how I laughed. Here's a few.
Q. In reviewing your CV, it appears that you did not have any real direct relationship in your practice, with psychoactive drugs until such time as you became Worldwide Director of Safety for SmithKline in January of '99; is that accurate?
A. Yes, that's correct.
Oh yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! So, technically, I don't really need any of the qualifications for the Pharmaceutical Assessor role then?
Q. Okay. Do you believe that it is possible that Paxil has caused any person, worldwide, to commit an act of homicide or suicide?
A. I have seen no evidence to suggest that at all.
I'd love to ask Hudson this question, just to see if he has changed his mind or if he still believes Paxil has not caused any person, worldwide, to commit an act of homicide or suicide? We can do this in our spare time, maybe over a few beers or Martini's. I'm unsure what Hudson's favourite tipple is?
Q. Okay. Well, Doctor, let me ask you this: I assume that if we go to trial in this case in Wyoming, or in any other case in the United States, if SmithKline Beecham asked youto come and testify live, you will do so won't you? A. Well, SmithKline Beecham will have to decide who its most appropriate witnesses are to be. I will be leaving the company at the end of the year because I'm taking up anotherappointment at the Medicines Control Agency in the U.K. Q. Okay. What will be your position at MCA?
A. I'll be Director of the Licensing Division at the Medicines Agency -- Medicines Control Agency.
I can just see it now.
Fiddaman: "Hey, Ian, me ol mucka, fancy another pint. Let's talk some more about how you left GSK and joined the MCA (Now MHRA). I'll get a bag of pork scratchings too."
Hudson: "Oh, I'm sorry sweetie, I can't stay for another. I have lots of work back at the office. Some absolute cock is drawing reference to my time at GSK and my stance that Paxil does not cause suicide."
Fiddaman: "Yeh, that cock is me."
Camera stays on Ian Hudson's face, slowly zooming out to see a smiling Fiddaman.
**Insert the 'duff duffs' to Eastenders here**
The role of Pharmaceutical Assessor at the Medicines and Healthcare Products Regulatory Agency is online here.
Applications close later today.