Monday, January 19, 2015
I created this blog way back in April 2006. Initially I had a gripe with the British drug regulator, the MHRA.
I was concerned because I had suffered at the hands of GlaxoSmithKline's Seroxat, known as Paxil in the US.
Over the last nine years or so I've had an online stalker who, along with his internet acquaintance, stalked me and impersonated me online, at times targeting the parents of the victims that I had wrote about.
I've been threatened with legal action by one of GlaxoSmithKline's former employees (he was employed by them at the time)
I've met with the British drug regulator on numerous occasions, those meetings turned out to be as useful as a chocolate teapot.
I've met some wonderful people on my journey, even had intimate relationships with two of those I met, one of which, I regret.
In the main, I've covered many stories about children/teenagers who have succumbed to antidepressant use. I hope I have brought their parents some peace and satisfaction with my efforts. I hope I have drawn awareness to the dangers of these mind-numbing drugs that have, for many, caused nothing but heartache.
I've been fighting almost alone for nearly nine years with the blog work, dealing with other's grief, emptiness, and sadness. It's come to a point where it has just consumed me and, to be honest, I have to change things in my life after suffering a recent loss of my own.
It's hard to put my finger on any one story I've covered on this blog. Sara Carlin springs to mind. Through her death I met two wonderful friends in Neil and Rhonda - I hope to meet them again one day.
I was immensely proud to be presented two human rights awards from the Citizen's Commission on Human Rights (CCHR), one being presented to me in the US and one here in the UK. The CCHR introduced me to some wonderful people, many of whom still keep in touch with me via social media websites.
I was also very proud when this old blog of mine went over one million visits, a quick look now shows the counter at 1,189,171. Not bad for a Brummie who was expelled from school and told, "You will never make anything of yourself Fiddaman."
I had always dreamed of seeing my name on the front cover of a book - I achieved that too with my book, 'The evidence, however, is clear: The Seroxat scandal'.
During the past nine years I've seen new blogs appear... and then disappear. It's a tough game this blogging lark, kinda takes it out of you when you are the one that people turn to because they are addicted to antidepressants or they have lost a child to antidepressants or even given birth to a child with deformities due to antidepressants. It can be a very dark, lonely place when you take on stories such as these. They sit with you forever.
I'm pretty much running on an empty tank these days and am just bamboozled by the unkind acts and hardheartedness of some people.
To be honest, I'm exhausted by it all. I never ever thought that one of my foes would turn out to be the very same person who I tried to help by highlighting their plight on this blog, on numerous occasions. That toxicity for you folks!
I'm done with opening my email each day and seeing attachments hundreds of pages long and being asked, "have you seen this?"
I'm done with staying up until the early hours of the morning helping people find justice only to have them ignore me when my efforts found them the justice they craved (money)
I'm done with reading about GlaxoSmithKline making settlements to mothers who have had the misfortune of giving birth to children with serious defects. Done with it all.
During the last three weeks I've been to hell and back, I've still got a long way to go, I'm still struggling to come to terms with the whole 'gone in the blink of an eye'.
Deal with it I will, but I cannot continue being consumed by other people's lives, it's zapping my energy and causing bad vibes. I just need to get in sync with myself and start a new journey, one that doesn't involve the loss of loved ones. Losing someone you love is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world.
I started work on a new novel yesterday, it's been therapeutic. I don't know when it will be finished, don't even know how it will end but it's fiction and I can go pretty much anywhere I want with it.
It's called "No Other Man"
One day I hope to see it published.
For now, I'm saying goodbye.
I'll leave the last words for Sara...
About the Author :
Bob Fiddaman has been writing about the dangers of antidepressants since 2006. In 2011 he was presented with two human rights awards from the Citizens Commission on Human Rights.
Labels: fiddaman blog