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Humanist, humorist

Saturday, November 02, 2013

Facebook Addiction Disorder (FAD)

Facebook Addiction Disorder is here, one of the most common characteristics of the condition is the victim having a web browser window constantly open to the timeline section of Facebook and/or other Facebook sections, a new study claims.

This mental disease often effects the bored (Boredom Affective Disorder - BAD), the lonely (Loneliness Affective Disorder - LAD), the unemployed (Unemployable Affective Disorder - UAD) and the normal (Normal Affective Disorder - NAD)

Independent clinical studies have shown that posting random thoughts and/or photographs of food/alcohol is the result of a chemical imbalance. The authors of the study, 'Facebook Addiction, A Treatable Mental Illness', randomised 500 Facebook accounts that were not set to private and found that the subjects were more likely to post personal photographs ranging from glasses of wine, dinner plates and shoes to inspirational posters where the subject ranged from death, fantasy and hope.

"The Inspirational posters are a precursor to depression", said lead author Prof. Willie Tickel, adding, "Our study showed that this disease stems from a number of factors including Boredom Affective Disorder and Loneliness Affective Disorder."

Tickel, a child & adolescent psychiatrist at the University of South Exerton-Leigh Environmental Science Society (USELESS) also claimed, "We found that this disease is, in most cases, hereditary and stems from the need to communicate when no communication is, in fact, needed."

On asked how this disorder could be hereditary when the Internet is, by in large, a new invention, Tickel said, "If you think about it you will come to realise that random communication has been a problem for some time, our study showed that  North American indigenous people communicated via smoke signal. Each tribe had its own signaling system and understanding. A signaler started a fire on an elevation typically using damp grass, which would cause a column of smoke to rise signals that were akin to today's Facebook users statuses." To back up his claim Tickel produced the following photos with an explanation of the message, or status.

Fig 1 shows a typical random message Tickel told us. "The message here is random, it reads, '"I just made toast""

Fig 1

In another example, Fig 2, Tickel explained that more often than not Attention Seeking Disorder was rife among many of today's Facebook users, this was also hereditary as shown in the photo below. Tickel translated, "The photo, obtained from the Historical Museum of North Americans, is sending the message '"Like my status and I'll tell you how hot I think you are.' - "This clearly shows", he added, "that attention seeking was as common then as it is today."

Fig 2

Co-author Constance Noring, from the Rip Van Winkle Sleep Disorder Clinic in New York also found that of the 500 randomised subjects almost two thirds made public posts after midnight. "This is a great concern and may lead to adult ADHD and/or other psychiatric disorders."

Tickel and Noring are now planning a further randomised study using subjects on Twitter. "You have a whole different ball-game on Twitter", Tickel said. "Because the diseased are only allowed to use 140 characters our preliminary research suggests that they may be suffering from Synopsis Stress Disorder (SSD)" 

The results of the Twitter study are expected to be released early next year.

Bob Fiddaman

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