Seroxat Withdrawal Diary (Guest Post)

I do love it when people contact me with their Seroxat stories. Although they are harrowing to read I do feel somewhat privileged to spread these accounts via my blog, if only to warn others and/or offer guidance to those who are suffering Seroxat addiction.

This guest poster wishes to remain anonymous, his story is familiar. His story is a classic example of what is not being done to help people suffering Seroxat addiction.

I don't necessarily agree with some of the methods used by Anonymous but he did what he had to do because, as I have said many times, there is no help whatsoever for people who have become hooked on Seroxat.

The British drug regulator, the MHRA, read accounts like this all the time. They sit in their ivory towers, shrug their shoulders and continue to ignore the Seroxat withdrawal problem. GSK don't wish to help those suffering either, by doing so they would have to admit there was a problem with withdrawal - and if they admitted there was a problem they would pretty much lose any withdrawal cases against them through the courts.

I think that when anyone forms associations with GSK, be they Channel 5, Jenson Button or Dame Kelly Holmes, they should all sit down and read stories like the one you are about to read, it's just one of many hundreds - others can be found here, here and here. 

People or companies in privileged positions should be speaking out against GSK and not supporting them.

Upon reading them maybe then, the aforementioned, should head on over to YouTube to play the song GSK chose to play to their reps at various Seroxat presentations in the US. (Here) - There's an alternative version of the song here.

Bob Fiddaman.

"If ‘discontinuation reactions’ occur in patients stopping [Seroxat], the majority will experience symptoms that are mild to moderate in intensity, and are usually limited to two weeks."

Mary Anne Rhyne, GlaxoSmithKline spokesperson - 2005

Seroxat Withdrawal Diary

I was prescribed 20mg Seroxat at aged 17 (Feb 1998), my Dr diagnosed depressive symptoms following major knee surgery ( I snapped my cruciate ligaments playing football), I went from being extremely sporty and fit to being unable to play football or any other sports for years to come. I have no recollection of life pre Seroxat as I was only 17 I do not know if my personality now is as a result of the drug or whether or not it will change when I come off of it.

I attempted to withdraw from the drug at least three times over the years in the 2000’s however this was done as a take one tablet one day, then miss a day routine which has since been recognised as ineffective.  My attempts to withdraw from the drug only every lasted a week at most  as I would become almost suicidal and suffer extreme physical withdrawal, fainting feeling’s sapping feelings, nausea and extreme flu like symptoms I would also became aggressive and emotional.

There never appeared to be a good time to attempt to come off this drug for a prolonged period as I was at university then full time employment, now 17 years later I have developed endocrine problems which to be fair I may have had all along  and may always have been as a result of Seroxat, I believe it can have an effect on prolactin levels which in turn cancels out testosterone and causes erectile dysfunction and loss of libido, I now attend an endocrinologist for this and receive a depot injection of nebido (testosterone) every three months, historically I was prescribed Viagra over the years also but this ceased about 7 years ago due to NHS criteria changes for prescribing the drug.

On 08/08/14 my first child was born, and that along with other reasons prompted me to seriously get off Seroxat as I was more educated and aware that there was now a liquid tapering method which can be successful.

Here is my withdrawal account for the last six months attended G.P in Jan feeling terrible and dose increased to 30mg, spoke to my endocrinologist 3 days later and discovered the medicine may be causing some of my problems. I attended my G.P again who agreed on reduction of Seroxat / withdrawal.

06.01.15 approx. - prescribed liquid paroxetine and was on 15ml to start (30mg), tapered down 1ml per week to 10ml (20mg) by 14.02.15) during this time experienced anxiety, mood swings stomach cramps, faecal incontinence due to irritable bowel) - prescribed quetiapine 25mg to assist with anxiety, could not tolerate it and so stopped after a few doses.

It was becoming more difficult for me and so I was referred to a psychiatrist and cpn to help with the withdrawal stage from 20mg (10ml) was prescribed trazadone 50mg to help with anxiety again made me too drowsy and made my body ache so only too a few doses.

Agreed on a 1ml every two weeks tapering regime with psychiatrist, was prescribed buscopan for stomach cramps and mebrevine for irritable bowel / incontinence.

14.02.15 - 10ml (20mg)
28.02.15 - 9ml (18mg)
14.03.15 - 8ml (16mg)
28.03.15 - 7ml (14mg)
11.04.15 - 6ml (12mg)
25.04.15 - 5ml (10mg)
09.05.15 - 4ml (8mg)
23.05.15 - 3ml (6mg)

My physical symptoms got significantly worse throughout this period and on top of this the frequency of my mental health symptoms increased from irritability a few times per week too 24/7  extreme mood swings agitation, crying uncontrollably, insomnia, out of body feelings and feeling like I was going to die.

Around the 3ml point I was prescribed 2mg diazepam to help with this, they were not effective and this was increased to 10mg daily of diazepam, I was also taking 30/5000mg of co co-codamol up to 8 times per day for migraines i was suffering.

After prolonged discussions and by taking advice from the protocol by Dr David Healy it was agreed that I would move to a halve and halve approach, i.e take halve your dose of Seroxat ie 1.5ml and the equivalent dose of Prozac - 0.80ml think thinking being the longer half life of Prozac will help with withdrawals and I should stay on this dose of Prozac whilst completing my withdrawal from Seroxat I have now been taking the following regime which I started yesterday -

(As an aside I was warned that there was the possibility of serotonin syndrome with this approach which can cause all the symptoms I am currently having as well as convulsions fever and ultimately death, I was also warned that taking 2 x SSRIs simultaneously had a magnifying effect which could cause heart problems and so I am booked in for an ECG today. I was also warned to expect increased irritability during the first week of taking Prozac, so may need to continue taking 10mg of diazepam daily, im now worried about withdrawal from this and the codeine I have been taking.)

01/06/15 - 1.5ml (3mg) Seroxat & 0.80ml 3mg approx of Prozac
08/06/15 - 1ml (2mg) Seroxat & 0.80ml 3mg approx of Prozac
15/06/15 - 0.5ml (1mg) Seroxat & 0.80ml 3mg approx of Prozac
22/06/15 - 0 Seroxat & 0.80ml 3mg approx of Prozac

If I make it too that point my plan is too come off Prozac as follows,  I have been told I can do It rapidly given its longer half life

23/06/15 - 0.60ml of Prozac
24/06/15 - 0.40ml of Prozac
25/06/15 - 0.20ml of Prozac
26/06/15 - finished

I then plan to see how I react as the Prozac should theoretically be out my system by 02/07/15 and I want to recover for a few weeks before returning to work to ensure I am physically and mentally well enough.

I realise this most recent plan may not work but this is my care plan agreed with my psychiatrist.


Update 21/06/15

The last three weeks have been extremely difficult but the use of halve Prozac and a tapering dose of 0.5ml Seroxat every week as advised by Dr Healy has to an extent been successful. I doubt I would have managed to do it without using this method and if I had been given the option six months ago when I first met with my G.P /Psychiatrist I would have used this method right from the start.

Essentially I reduced from 3mg or 6ml of Seroxat onto start on  01/06/15 - 1.5ml (3mg) Seroxat & 0.80ml 3mg approx of Prozac. I stuck to the plan above and reduced the Seroxat by 0.5ml or 1mg (weekly) whilst maintaining the 0.80 or 3mg dose of Prozac throughout. I administered my last 0.5ml dose of Seroxat today along with my maintenance dose of Prozac 0.80ml and as far as I am concerned that is the last time I will ever take Seroxat.

I plan to reduce the Prozac by 0.20ml increments over the course of four days starting tomorrow and by that point be SSRI free aside from the residue SSRI chemicals that remain in my system and store in my fat cells.

The last 21 days have been very difficult both mentally and physically and I have been monitored weekly by my CPN. All the before mentioned physical symptoms have became worse with more frequent diarrhoea, the aggression has reduced but this has been replaced by 24/7 anxiety, panic attacks, complete and utter distress, palpitations, sweating etc, this is the symptom I find most difficult to deal with ( I feel like im going into an exam magnified by 1000x or have just had a near car crash) I realise it is my body's fight or flight system kicking in but it is constant and for no good reason apart from withdrawals. I have had to suffer these symptoms during the day however I have joined a gym which I now attend 3 times per week in an attempt to reduce the extreme adrenaline / anxiety feeling, boost my mood and also try to destroy the reaming Seroxat living in my fat cells. The Gym has helped slightly during the day but at night my mind is thinking about three different subjects at once and I am in a constant state of panic. I have been prescribed 10mg diazepam which I have been taking nightly for the last 21 days to enable me to shut down and sleep.

"The other symptom which has continued but increased in its severity is the feeling of unreality." 

I have also been having very vivid dreams which ultimately are negative in nature and terrifying , for some reason they are mostly set around when I was 17 and commenced Seroxat, I feel my memories may be regressing to when I started it now that I am almost off it. I have continued to have emotions swinging wildly however the aggression is no longer present.

I continue to have Headache’s however I have reduced my use of co-codamol 30/500 from 8 per day to 2-4 per day. As mentioned I have had terrible Nausea (feeling like I have just woke up from a general anaesthetic ( I know this feeling as I have had 7 major operations) , Diarrhea which is very acidic (bile salts) and has led to me needing to use baby wipes, nappy sacks and bepanthan to prevent a breakdown of my skin integrity, not only is this painful but it is extremely degrading and embarrassing for a 35 year old man.

The other symptom which has continued but increased in its severity is the feeling of unreality, an example of this is when I walk around a supermarket in a dream like state oblivious to everyone around me, I feel like I have a haze over my eyes and the immediate world around me is not real for periods of time, I know there is a clinical term for this but I am unsure what it is.

Overall I feel rundown and exhausted, I am very anxious about being free of Seroxat after 18 years and worry about the symptoms persisting and for how long they will persist, as I am due to return to work in in one weeks time on a phased return. I am also concerned about coming off the diazepam now and I will need to discuss a tapering regime for this with my psychiatrist also.

Mentally I feel very alert (super alert due to the anxiety) so I would not say I was depressed or showing any need for future antidepressants, at this point in time and continue to believe that I do not have clinical depression and actually I strongly believe I never did and was miss diagnosed / prescribed this evil medication. I continue to have a lot of anger towards Glaxo Smith Kline and I will pursue legal action as far as I can against them.

As an aside I spent time tonight disposing of all my antidepressant tablets , I had boxes of them in a drawer which I did not want to be reminded of. I felt this was a useful exercise, and gave me some closure on what has been a very long journey.

I will update again in the coming week’s if and when I come off my remaining dose of Prozac on how I feel post Seroxat and Prozac back in the real world and at work after a six month absence.

Update 22/06/15

I have felt severely ill all day agitation and aggression is back, I smashed my laptop earlier today over a petty incident and spent the next three hours sobbing in remorse £75 mistake!. I have developed severe flu like symptoms and have a fever, I am due to meet my CPN tomorrow to discuss how I will cope throughout the next week.

Update 25/06/155

A week before my last dose of Seroxat I felt a dental abscess developing on a historical crown / bridge don 8 years+ ago. I went to the dentist’s and was prescribed a 5 day course of amoxycillin 150mg per day despite the leaflet that comes stating dental abscesses should be treated with a dose of 3g daily, I called back and questioned this but got no where. Finished the course around the time of my fever developing 22/06/15 temp between 37 – 39 degrees and only reducing with paracetamol, gum and tooth still sore so back to regular dentist who prescribed me metranidazol antibiotics 3 per day which I am due to finish tomorrow. However on top of that I developed a wheeze, I have asthma and a severe sore throat cough so I felt the infection had spread, seen an out of hours G.P at hospital after initially being fobbed off by NHS 24 and was diagnosed with upper respiratory tract infection and given yet another course of antibiotics, this time clarythromicin 7 day course 2 per day, these ones seem to be working but I need to take them on top of the last dental ones and I'm feeling sick and have a metallic taste.

The upshot of all of this going on is I am physically exhausted and so have no adrenaline problems at present, I do however feel very nauseous, can’t know if this is withdrawal or reaction to infection / antibiotics.

I spoke to my Psychiatrist today about how to manage any symptoms of anxiety should they return when I am in my work place. I asked about beta blockers as an alternative to diazepam and she agreed this was a good suggestion and licensed for anxiety but ruled it out due to the contraindications with asthma. Instead we have agreed that I will take a 5mg diazepam in the morning if anxious and a 5 at night and also add in zopiclone a sleeping tablet if I feel the 5mg diazepam does not put me too sleep.

I was also at the dentist today who took an x-ray and confirmed I will require root canal treatment over the coming months and also a surgical procedure in my upper jaw bone as the infection is has spread to my bone and so my gum has to be slit and a hole drilled in the bone to treat the infected area, this will all be done over the coming months in a dental hospital. He explained that I must be very run down for internal root infection which on a sealed tooth of over 8 years to trigger infection, it has been internal not external, i.e no cavity just bugs taking a chance to grow as my immune system is so low at present, I feel this is as a result of the last six months withdrawal.

Due to infection there has been no gym this week which I am disappointed about but hope to return 3 x times weekly asap.

I took my last dose of Prozac also this morning approx. 0.20ml again don’t know how im reacting to that with everything else going on. On the positive side the anxiety has massively reduced since infection started and I have slept the last 2 nights without the need of diazepam.

I return to work on Monday 29/06/15 for a half day on a phased return so hope I am physically well enough to get out my bed and go otherwise I am going down to half pay. I have a full 8 week phased return to work after a six month absence organised, I’ve had to use accrued P/Hs and A/L for this which will leave me with no holiday’s for 4  months however I have accepted this and my manager has been very understanding and accommodating.

I am now officially SSRI free apart from the Prozac half life and Seroxat deposits in my fatty tissue cells, I aim to get rid of the latter by hammering the gym to destroy historical fat, only good things can from this. I have been T-total since Jan and I now avoid caffeine and drink plenty of water. I'm taking multi vitamins and eating well. I still have the diazepam and co-codamol issues to deal with but im sure I will just taper off them slowly as I get better. Only time will tell how I will deal with being SSRI free after 18 years but im positive that I have beat this drug addiction and hope to never take anything like it again, I truly believe I will be a stronger healthier person at the end of this journey and despite it being six months of hell it has been worth it.

Update 01/07/15

Still feeling a lot of anger towards GSK and I am being consumed with a need to seek justice for six months of physical and mental torture, and I am finding it difficult to understand why something is not bee done about this legally and by the NHS. I feel as though I am now going through a process similar to that of grieving, i.e anger, sadness etc, unfortunately I am stuck it seems at the anger stage. Physically I do still have a lot of anxiety and a racing mind, however I do not feel depressed (the whole basis of prescribing the drug in the first instance!). My physical symptoms have settled down and my chronic diarrhea has also settled down. I have attended a half day at work and coped fine and have another half day tomorrow.

I had root canal surgery yesterday and the dentist explained to me that filling which was inserted 8 years ago was done poorly and as a result it came out as a large black sludge of infection, which in turn has traveled to my Jaw bone and has been systemically poisoning me for the last 8 years and will continue to do so until I get the affected bone operated on and removed. So again it is difficult to tell physically whether I am feeling ill due to withdrawal or dental infection, another case of medical negligence, which has not been picked up until now despite numerous x rays of my mouth.

I am now taking extra strength omega, three 15ml per day which contains very high levels of EPA DHA, (seven seas extra high strength = 2300mg of EPA &DPA per 10ml) as a comparison most 100mg omega capsules contain approx 200 – 300mg of EPA & DPA so you would need to take 8-10 capsules instead of 2 x 5ml spoonful’s to get a dose effective enough to repair brain cell function, these chemicals are known to repair brain function as well as your immune system and a whole host of other things I can find no negative trials on this only positive ones.

I continue to take 10mg of diazepam to make me sleep, I tried the prescribed sleeping tablet but I woke very quickly after taking it as my mind was still racing, I have only stopped taking Seroxat about 10 days ago after taking it daily for almost 18 years! I also stopped taking Prozac approx 5 days ago so again due to its half life this should now be out of my system.

Update 5/07/15

For the last three days I have felt happiness and calmness that I have not felt for over six months, I am still slightly agitated and find it difficult to unwind at nigh time so continue to need 10mg of diazepam nightly to get to sleep, the sleeping pills are not effective for my particular needs. My aim is too stay on the diazepam during my phased return to work (next 7 weeks) and then see if I'm coping with being back at work full time before attempting a phased withdrawal from this drug also. My 30/500 co-codamol intake has also reduced from 8 per day to 2-4 per day max.

09/07/15 

Most of my physical withdrawal or discontinuation symptoms have ceased, my bowel movements are normal and regular and I have much less headaches. I do still feel a bit anxious but no where near as much as I did during withdrawal and I feel this is improving every day. The sleeping tablets were not suitable for me a woke very quickly after taking them and even with 5mg of diazepam I only slept for a few hours. I continue to take 10mg of diazepam nightly and 15ml of cod liver oil daily. I have agreed with my psychiatrist that I will remain on a weekly dispense regime of 10mg nightly until I am back at work full time this will be another six weeks as I am now 2 weeks into my phased return to work, I have complete 4 half days over two weeks without issue, my first full day is tomorrow. I then intend to withdraw from the diazepam at a rate of 2.5 mg per week over the coming weeks and I am looking into Pal McKenna’s sleep hypnosis cd/ mp3 as an alternative as I feel a lot of my issues sleeping is to do with post-traumatic stress from discontinuation syndrome and a severe assault I suffered 2 years ago. Hopefully my limited use of co-codamol will also reduce further over this this period also however post-surgery pain from upcoming dental surgery my put a spanner in the works there.

One really interesting ting came out of today’s meeting with my psychiatrist, I explained to her I had purchased a gadget called a Microsoft band which is a smart watch / exercises band but also measures sleep very accurately. It clearly shows that I am having very poor sleep at night waking on average 9 times per night and I am having very little quality sleep (REM sleep) mostly light sleep, the diazepam and withdrawal may be to blame for this as when I wake in the morning following a bad night’s sleep and I then go back to sleep for a power nap It is mostly REM sleep, in fact yesterday I had more REM sleep in a power nap of 2hrs than I did the night before during a 7.5 hr sleep.

My psychiatrist asked me if it tracked my resting pulse which it does and this is the bit I found really interesting. When I was at the height of my discontinuation syndrome distress I was sent for an ECG to monitor the risk of serotonin SSRI’s Seroxat and Prozac simultaneously, my heart beat at that point showed as 120 beats per minutes, very fast for a resting heart in fact classed as (tachycardic) however post withdrawal, or at least over the last week I have owned the band my heart beat has been between 70 and 80 – normal, this could probably not be used in a court of law but to me it does show a  physiological correlation between discontinuation syndrome and an increased heart rate probably associated with anxiety etc.

I have spoke to my GP and gave him a copy of this medical account for my G.P notes should the case every come to court and have requested that he completes a yellow card warning for me in relation to Seroxat after reading them, which he has agreed to do.

Overall I am feeling better by the day, I'm almost certain now that I do not have and have never had any underlying mental health condition and I am glad I came off the drug despite how hard it has been.

I will see my psychiatrist again in approx 12 weeks when I should be off the diazepam and continue to see my CPN fortnightly or as required.

Rational for my anger and mistrust

In the last 10+ years Panorama ran four different documentaries on the scandal involving this drug. There is evidence of (bribery), deliberately hiding negative medical evidence during trials in order to get the drug licensed and prescribed and denying any responsibility for a drug which they have created knowing it has severe side effects when attempting to withdraw from it as well as causing birth defects and unfortunately in the US it has been deemed to be responsible for suicide’s and homicides.

In the US GlaxoSmithKline have settled out of court with those unfortunate enough to have been prescribed this drug with the caveat of gagging orders so further legal action cannot be taken in countries such as ours , however to date not one penny in compensation has been paid to British victims of a drug which is their best seller I believe and also the most widely reported drug for side effects to the MHRA (medical regulatory body in Britain) above drugs such as diazepam etc.

I will personally seek legal advice on taking this matter moving forward, given that it is public record that GSK deliberately hid negative withdrawal clinical trial information from the regulatory bodies and I was also prescribed as a minor off licence again this has been banned since 2003. I will also perhaps start lobbying MSPs to take up this matter as I have read hundreds of cases similar to mine on the Seroxat users group and through the blog of Bob Fiddaman, we cannot continue to be dulled down and forgotten about with more pills from the physicians and pharmaceutical companies that created and prescribed this monster in the first place.

Further research has highlighted how deep rooted and endemically corrupt this situation is, as a starter the current CEO of the MHRA (the people who are supposed to protect NHS patients from faulty drugs is a Dr Ian Hudson, who coincidentally used to be the World Safety Officer for SmithKline Beecham (now GlaxoSmithKline), what hope do we have of justice when this is the situation we are faced with?

My feeling towards prescribers of mental health medication G.Ps and psychiatrists is that they inherently want to stabilise what they see as poor mental health and have very little knowledge when it comes to dealing with making your symptoms worse to make you better, i.e dealing with withdrawal from SSRIs in the correct manner.

They need to understand that there will be a large proportion of the population who for whatever reason were misdiagnosed and put on these drugs without having clinical depression either due to naive incompetence or more worryingly due to bribery and propaganda from pharmaceutical companies on GP’s, (evidence of this in Bob Fiddaman’s blog) or have recovered from reactionary depression but discontinuation symptoms are makings physicians think they are still depressed. This drug has been designed to mimic the symptoms of mental illness when withdrawing and so unless you have knowledge / conviction and the determination to be drug free, then the millions of patients in Britain who are on this drug will be caught up in the perpetual cycle of either continuing to take the drug (ideal situation for GSK financially and massive drain on NHS resources ) or be put onto alternative mental health medication as psychiatrists do not have the skill base to differentiate between withdrawal and actual mental illness.

My hope is that all G.Ps and psychiatrists start to recognise the real problem that is “discontinuation syndrome” from certain SSRI medications and that they use Dr Healys protocol or even better develop their own to challenge this problem instead of just resorting to swapping for another antidepressant which is the easy option for them. The drugs companies like GSK are having their cake and eating it due to this perceptual cycle of drug prescribing and I would not be surprised if this was their intention all along given the profits involved.

References 
http://fiddaman.blogspot.co.uk see all 4 Panorama episodes about Seroxat on here
http://wp.rxisk.org/antidepressant-withdrawal-vs-story/ - read the 86 comments / accounts
http://www.Seroxatusergroup.org.uk/articles.htm
https://truthman30.wordpress.com/

Guest Post: Life ‘at’ and Escape ‘from’ Paroxetine Island

The hell of Aropax withdrawal

Following on from Part I [Like a Lamb to the Slaughter] of Mark's trilogy of guest posts.

This post sees Mark describe the frustrations and hardships of withdrawing from GlaxoSmithKline's Aropax, known in the UK as Seroxat and in the US and Canada as Paxil.

Life ‘at’ and Escape ‘from’ Paroxetine Island [PI]

Life at Paroxetine Island(PI) can only really  be described in hindsight and with insight once one has spent time back on the mainland and drug-free. Here are some observations:

• On arrival at PI one has all motivation, passion, spontaneity and confidence taken away and one is given yawning, fatigue and indecisiveness 24/7 in exchange.
• On my 1st night at PI I experienced the most real, horrific and terrifying dream of my life. It involved my death. At the time I was clueless as to what caused this.
• Like creeping mold is to the internal walls of a house in winter so too was paroxetine to my brain. It was a slow, insidious takeover of not just my brain but also my soul. Dulling my emotions and senses, and even when the wallpaper started falling off I was clueless as to the cause.
• My quality of life grew worse and worse, as I became more and more removed from reality.
• Life was sucked out of me and I was no longer living I was simply existing.
• I became a loner and yet I wasn't lonely.
• Much time and effort was spent fighting back evil intrusive thoughts, thoughts that did not belong to me, thoughts that were extraordinarily immoral, offensive and almost audible in my mind beckoning me towards self-destructive behaviour. Thoughts that were demonic in nature.
• Personality and behavioural changes occur on PI perhaps best described as a severing of the conscience.
• Loss of feelings and caring occurred, a total disconnect from reality. The mantra of PI was:
•  ‘So what, who cares’! And I was soon singing it.
• An early attempt to break free and swim to the mainland resulted in such psychological, emotional horror and panic I rushed back to my doctor and asked to go back to PI. I was sent back no questions asked. 
• Despite promising to never swim away again several more failed attempts to escape left me in a state of learned helplessness, a massive major paradigm shift now occurred in my being. I now believed that I needed to be on Paroxetine Island!
• One day I learned of a person who had escaped from PI and swum back to the mainland. I became very envious, jealous even!
• I was now determined that I too would get back to the mainland. Little did I know that I was about to start a 3-year traumatizing nightmare, a journey through ‘Hell,’ that was going to require every ounce of strength to survive, fighting for my life, daily. 

My Escape from Paroxetine Island (PI)

I would like to start by just saying that my escape from PI was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. No non-poisoned-by-an-SSRI-brain can conceive, imagine, or understand the traumatising nature of this ordeal.

• I presented to my doctor in January 10, after 10 years use, wanting to get off paroxetine. His reply “okay come off slowly”, and sent me on my way. (Absolutely criminal!)
• I had no idea what slowly was. But decided to start to alternate doses 20 mg one day and 10 mg the next.
• After 6 months I was on 10 mg and in a distraught state.
• The distress drove me to seek counselling, yet it offered no relief. Except lighten my wallet.
• At 9 months and on 5 mg feeling death would be a welcome relief I reluctantly presented to my Doctor (Dr W), only to be told I had an underlying depression and I needed to up dose. At this point I realised Dr W was clueless. I replied, ‘that is not right’. He referred me to a psychiatrist Dr S.B.
• Confused, distraught, frustrated, and in a very dark place, somehow knowing deep down something was not right here but what could it be, I confided in the neighbouring pharmacist. He leaned over and quietly whispered, “Mark I’m not supposed to tell you this but it’s not you it’s the drug”.
• It was like a light switch was flicked, the light bulb went on, I came to my senses. Of course it’s not me, it’s the drug! It was the damn drug! How could I have been so stupid! Words cannot describe the humiliation that started to flood my being followed by anger and disbelief.
• I immediately started digging, and stumbled upon an SSRI addict’s and survivors support group. I realised I had found a place ‘sought by millions but found by few’. I owe my life to them.
• On asking the psychiatrist Dr S.B. if he was aware of any problems with people getting off Paroxetine  he replied, “Well if there were problems with people getting off paroxetine people would be suing the drug companies” [I was later to realize this was a Dr who clearly had his initials around the wrong way].
• He also okay’d a Healtheries supplement I wanted to take to try to get some relief. I was sent on my way. I now realised I was on my own.
• I broke free of PI on 28 September 2010.
• The 9 month taper down and the next 2 years drug free was hell. The nightmare I had to suffer (believe me to call it a nightmare is an understatement) coming off this drug had nothing to do with me and everything to do with this drug!
• I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through this. I was unable to function experiencing daily uncontrollable restless anxiety, endless crying and drug induced suicidal ideations starting from 6 a.m. lasting throughout the day and receding somewhat in the evening. I felt as if I was being psychologically and emotionally raped daily. This withdrawal horror went on for almost 3 years, with the drug induced withdrawal hell pushing me for months to cut my wrists, then for months it tried to get me to hang myself, then it wanted me to shoot myself, and if that wasn't enough drive my car into oncoming traffic. I still remember the day I fought off an overwhelming desire to jump off a bridge.
• These drugs are not given to patients under 18 because they cause suicide …well if my experience is anything to go by they should extend the relabeling ban to those under 50!
• In order to get through this hell alive I dragged several family members so far into emotional overdraft I will never be able to repay them. You can forget being able to hold down a job during this ordeal it’s a battle to just survive each day.
• I so much wanted to reinstate to take the horror away, yet I was driven by a sense of unbelievable anger and humiliation to not do so. Often chanting back ‘it’s not me it’s the drug’ when waves of hell flooded me.
• All I wanted was an opinion on my sore arm, I never consented to this.
• At about 18 months drug free I felt the shark infested waters start to recede, a few months later I washed ashore onto the mainland, exhausted, traumatized and in total disbelief that I was still alive.
• I felt like Rip Van Winkle coming to after being placed in a living coma becoming acutely aware of the damage done to me, waking up in shock and disbelief.
• Let there be no mistake about it, if I was an enemy combatant and the NZ army did this to me, someone would have been dragged to the Hague and jailed for this! 
• Hippocratic Oath…..Yeah Right!
• I was determined to get an explanation for this insult to my humanity an answer for something no human should have to endure.

Mark Carter NZ

Coming soon Part III

Bob Fiddaman

JOIN THE FIDDAMAN BLOG ON FACEBOOK

Guest Post: Like A Lamb to the Slaughter

As this blog grows I get more and more requests from readers asking if they can write a guest post. This has proved very popular and gives a chance for people, patients to vent... none more so than the author of this post, Mark Carter.

As you will learn, Mark is yet another victim of the over prescribing of psychiatric medication, another victim of off-label prescribing.

Mark's story... and this is just part 1 of 3, is nothing new. Thousands, if not millions, of unsuspecting patients are, within minutes, walking out of consultation rooms with pills that are nothing more than loaded bullets. They are being diagnosed with ailments, in Mark's case sore wrists and arms, and then prescribed drugs that have no indication to treat the diagnosis.

This is, sadly, on-going globally.

Mark is from Auckland, New Zealand.

Here's part I of his story.

Like A Lamb To The Slaughter - Part I

I have decided to do a posting for Bobs blog for the following  reasons:

1. It’s not acceptable to me, for SSRi’s  especially paroxetine [Seroxat, Paxil, Aropax] and including venlafaxine [Effexor] to continue to be on the market.

2. It is my wish that these drugs be exposed for what they truly are; toxins that disrupt and chemically damage the brain and body.

3. I feel morally obligated to communicate to the general public the dangers of these poisons , as I have been grievously injured by taking and subsequently discontinuing them,

4. A dangerous, negligent and appalling level of ignorance from doctors who have thoroughly hoodwinked patients into believing black is white, and  from whom no one has a chance of being informed of the truth.

5. I have nothing to hide only devastation to human life to expose

6. If I can stop one person from taking an SSRI or its evil cousins then its been worth it.


It all began in the summer of 2000. In December I presented to an Occupational Specialist Doctor D. with sore wrists and arms from keyboard overuse at my work site.

I was a 37 year old single, cheerful, happy, sports loving, opera chorus singing male. I had never smoked, drunk alcohol, or taken any drugs prior. I also had never had any psychological issues.

I was diagnosed with chronic pain syndrome and given what I now know to be a smorgasbord of poisons.

At the time I was like a lamb to the slaughter, naive, trusting and oblivious to oncoming danger.

I asked the right questions as anyone would, are these addictive, are there any side-effects?

I left assured they were not addictive but  may find they give me a dry mouth.

I was also assured they would heal my arm.

Arrived home that day with canisters of amitriptyline, nortriptyline, venlafaxine, and paroxetine . I was told nothing regarding tapering down or not stopping abruptly.

I never felt comfortable with the diagnosis of chronic pain syndrome. The term at the time was repetitive strain injury or occupational overuse syndrome.

I also was filled with dread at being sent back to a job that I clearly could not do any longer. I clearly had an injury in my hand in which pain and an inability to type was amplified when using a keyboard and receded when not using the keyboard.

I was told to take a course of each drug and if no benefit move onto the next one.

I was totally unaware that I was about to expose myself to some of the most dangerous addictive mind-numbing soul destroying potent body damaging chemicals ever manufactured for human consumption.

I was totally unaware of the nature or the toxic effects of venlafaxine and paroxetine.

In hindsight I felt pressured to take these drugs, I mean not taking anything was never a tabled option.

I worked my way through the drugs, on starting the venlafaxine I immediately started getting  floaters in my eyes. I was clueless. I also recall being incredibly fatigued, my walking became labored. I rang Dr D at the time from my former work site regarding  the struggle to cope and was told to double the dose. Not long after this, my employer, as I could no longer use a keyboard, fired me.

As I no longer had to bare  a workload and didn't really want to take drugs I  quit cold turkey the venlafaxine, as one would with a so-called non-addictive drug that was doing nothing except fatigue me.

What I didn't know at the time,  but I do now, is Dr D had persuaded me to take a sequence of drugs not authorized for use for my injury. He had in fact persuaded me to participate in the off-label use of the drugs and did it by obtaining my uninformed consent.

Shortly after this I started to manifest an uncontrollable anxiety, a kind of  psychological panic, a distressed tearful state. There was something clearly wrong with me and something I had never experienced before.

I was clueless as to the cause of this, and thought it may be due to some external stresses at that time.

Concerned  I now presented tearful agitated and confused to my family Doctor W of 20 years,… like a lamb to the slaughter. I can still remember my exact words at the time.

“There is something wrong with me, I don’t know what it is, you know me I’m so against the taking of drugs, but do you think I need something for this.”

Without any hesitation, enquiry or diagnostic checklist I was presented with a prescription for paroxetine 20 mg per day and sent on my way assured it was not addictive, safe and may cause a little weight gain.

And that was to be the start of a 10 year drug addiction with a sore arm somehow morphing into a drug induced 'mental illness'.

Stuck on paroxetine-Island only to be met by psychological and emotional shark infested waters every time I tried to leave.

And in addition totally unaware that I was now exposing myself to a slow chemical castration.

Mark Carter - New Zealand

Part II Coming Soon


If you would like to write a guest post then I can be contacted via the 'Contact' tab at the top of this blog.


Bob Fiddaman

JOIN THE FIDDAMAN BLOG ON FACEBOOK

Guest Post: Antidepressants Killed My Son

Every now and again I offer readers the chance to write a guest post for this blog. It's proved very popular, in fact the two of the most popular posts on this blog are guest posts. [see Prescription Drug Suicide and Involuntary Transformation]

There are many people who want to tell their story.

Today's story was written by Elaine Billings. Elaine's son had been prescribed Zoloft [Pfizer] and Wellbutrin [aka Zyban - GlaxoSmithKline] for anxiety.

Tommy was 42.

Antidepressants Killed My Son

September 8, 2011:


I looked out my dining room window, and I watched my son mowing his lawn for a while. I hadn't seen him for about ten days, because he had been working at The New York State Fair in Syracuse, NY. Something he had done for the last ten years or so. I stood there near that window smiling, as only a mother could smile at her own child. I told myself, I would call him later in the day and invite him and his family to dinner the next day. Friday the 9th that is, and I would make one of his favorite meals, Macaroni and Cheese and Fried Fish. I already knew he'd say yes, and I was content and happy with my life. How could I have foreseen, that it would be the last time, I would see my beloved son, alive!


My husband had gone downtown earlier in the afternoon to run some errands. When he came home he said, "boy there's a lot of things going on in town today!" I replied, "really what's going on?" He said, "while I was in the drug store, I heard someone telling that a man had committed suicide in town." I said, "Oh no, I hope it isn't anyone we know!" Just a few minutes after that conversation, my world ceased, and I plummeted into Hell!

You see, my daughter in-law walked into the house crying, and I thought something happened to her mother. Because her mom had been sick, and I knew they were out together. I got up from my computer, and went to her. I put my my hands on her, and asked, "what's the matter Tina, has something happened to your mom?" She shook her head no. I looked into her eyes and said in a questioning way, "Tommy?" In those few seconds before she spoke, a thought raced through my mind, Tommy had been in a car accident, but he would be okay. I would take care of him! That's what moms do, when their children are sick, or in a car accident. We get them better! That is not what she said to me. Words, that no mother ever should hear in her life, this I know. She said, "Tommy committed suicide" I looked at her and screamed. She repeated it, "Tommy committed suicide". I was on the floor rolling and rolling, back and forth, and I was screaming, I couldn't stop. "NO! NO! PLEASE GOD, NO! NOT MY SON! OH GOD, NO!" I could hear Bill, in the background somewhere. He kept saying, I can't believe it, I can't believe it, all the while I was screaming.

People were in my house, I didn't know who they were. Why are there strange people in my house? Who are these people? Maybe, they are going to help me! Yes, maybe they are here to help get my son back to me!! Yes, that's it, I will tell them that Tina said, Tommy committed suicide, and they will help me. What is happening? Dear God, this can not be true! No, not my son, not my Tommy. Why did Tina tell me my son committed suicide, he wouldn't do that?

That's a terrible thing to say, to a mother. I must be dead! That's it, I am dead and in Hell. Then, I hear myself screaming, "NO! NO!", I scream and scream.

Someone was checking me over. I looked him in the eyes. I said, "oh dear God, will you help me please?"

"My son, my son is dead."

Next thing I know is that I'm in an ambulance, where are they bringing me? Why is no one talking, or helping me get my son back home to me? I hear myself begging, I promise I will do anything for anyone just give me back my son.

The doctor walks in, he asked me what's wrong with me. What's wrong with me? My son is dead, that's whats wrong with me. I think I asked him if he could get my son back to me. Oh please God, don't take my son! I need my son! I love my son! It was some kind of terrible mistake. The doctor gave me a shot. In a few minutes, I calmed down! I felt like I wasn't here in this world, it felt unreal like I was watching some kind of horror show. This is a mistake, that's it, I am having a nightmare. I am going to wake up and tell my husband. I will say, "Bill, I had a terrible nightmare, it was the worse nightmare a mother could have! I dreamed Tommy was dead." But, it wasn't a nightmare, it was worse than any nightmare a mom could ever have!

I lost my voice for days. Shocked and heavy medications kicked in. I stopped crying, begging, breathing. I was in a drug induced daze. I would just quietly say, Tommy wouldn't do that to himself, he just wouldn't! I know my son, and he was a happy man, he wasn't suicidal! I would have known that, I am his mother for God's sake!

A few nights later, I was in my in my bed, and Tommy came to me. I heard his voice as though he were in the room with me. He said, "Mom, help me, I didn't mean to do it". I looked up and I said, "Tommy, I can't help you, you are already dead!" Dear God, already dead.

The next day, I called my daughter in-law, I asked her was Tommy on any medications? She said, yes, Zoloft and Wellbutrin.

Later, I got on my computer to see if these drugs had anything to do with Tommy's suicide. What I found out stunned me, made me sick, and angered the hell out of me. It is now seventeen long months, of sheer hell.

There is not a human being in this whole world that could even imagine, the unimaginable, incomprehensible agony I am suffering, unless they too have lost a child. The last thing I did for my son, out of love was to read his autopsy report. To stand witness to what happened to this child of mine. I read what that gun did to my beautiful child .

The things I found out about SSRI Drugs. The deaths, the destruction, the toll paid to human life, the lies, deception, hidden unfavorable trial study results, ghostwriters, money exchanging hands to prestigious university Professors who sign their names (sometimes without even bothering to read the paper) to favorable manipulated studies.

I learned that if results are bad, they are not submitted to the FDA, even that members of the FDA have a vested interest in the drug business. Lawsuits are settled out of court with gag orders in place. No one is standing up and telling the truth. Drug representatives tout to doctors the latest, and greatest anti-psychotics and antidepressants on the market. Because the more of these drugs that get prescribed to patients, the bigger their bonuses are. Doctors who prescribe without seeing their patients just a phone call will do, and no follow up with their patients.

Once prescribed psychiatric drugs you can stay on them for a life time. This was some thing I never knew. Weren't they (the drugs) just supposed to get someone through depression?

I learned about the black box warnings, the most stringent warning the FDA can administer.

May cause;  Suicidal Ideation, Psychosis, Hallucinations, Depersonalization, Hostility, Impuslsivity, and on and on.

Money to be had, that's for sure. It really is the bottom line, MONEY! They are not trying to make people well, they are trying to make people sick! Because the more sick people the bigger the profits, end of story!

My son had anxiety, a label given to him by some doctor who probably saw him once or twice. How did he come up with that diagnosis? Well it's right there in the DSM, the psychiatric bible. A committee gets together and they discuss symptoms, they group them so they can then give them a label, disorder, diagnosis.

Now, insurance companies will be able to pay to give the drugs to unsuspecting consumers. Funny! Well, not so funny, but pharmaceutical companies and the scientific evidence suggests that depression and some kinds of anxiety disorders "maybe" caused, by a "chemical imbalance" in the brain! Yet, there are no blood tests, x-rays, MRI'S, cat scans that can show this to be true.

Psychiatrist's cannot predict what adverse side effects you might experience because, (are you ready for this) ...not one of them knows how their drugs work. Just great, they make dangerous drugs to change our natural brain functions and they don't have a clue how they work! Homicide and suicide is the ultimate sacrifice that these drugs produce, because of their side effects.

The story doesn't end there.

The damage done to people's physical, mental, and spiritual bodies is far reaching. It can literally take years to recover and heal the body and brain from the use of these drugs and in many instances never. I know this because I have read hundreds of stories of agony placed on human lives by doctors who don't even know the debilitating outcome from these drugs.

I know many wonderful, intelligent, strong truth tellers and it would boggle the average citizen's mind to even know or understand the destructive, life altering consequences, from the taking all kinds of psychiatric drugs. Unless you, or someone you know and love was a victim of the drug lies.

Another fact about these drugs are the dangerous withdrawals from them. It's not an easy or quick process to wean off them. Just think it through, these chemicals, (which is what they are) have been used in many cases for years and years. Why do people stay on them? Because we want to believe our doctors.

If you tell them you are having strange side effects they may try you on a different drug or add to what you are already taking. A cocktail if you will. A drug to take care of the bad effect you are having on the first drug. Doctors tell their victims, (patients) you are defective and you are never going to get better, you must stay on these drugs for your life. It's a lie.

I am not a doctor, but my advice to all of you reading this is to heed the black box warnings.

If they [FDA] say, suicidal ideation, hostility, impulsivity, akathisia, mania, panic attacks, insomnia, depersonalization, heart attacks, sudden death and more, they say it for a reason. It's not because one person had a certain symptom or side effect that they list it in the warning.

Believe me big pharma doesn't want to scare people away, they want customers. Don't be fooled by the age limit either. The warnings saying short-term placebo-controlled trials of antidepressant drugs increase the risk of suicidal thinking and behavior in children, adolescents, and young adults. My son was 42 years old. He was a husband, father, brother, nephew, cousin, friend and son. He loved his family and his life. He was never suicidal in his life....it was the antidepressants that killed my son. Let anyone try to prove me wrong.

Before you accept any psychotropic drug ask for full disclosure, research it at the library, computer, a college or university, buy a book or two on the subject of psychotropic drugs and their effects on the human brain. There are many people who can give you the straight up facts. People who have been studying the sad truthful results for years, decades. Who have testified at court proceedings, about the warnings of suicide and homicide. When all is said and done, we might also come to realize mass shootings may also be attributed to psychiatric medication as well. You owe it to yourselves, and your loved ones to be informed of potential deadly outcomes.

And me? Maybe you are wondering how I am. I will never be the woman and mother I was before my son died. A piece of me died on that September afternoon. I am left with pictures and memories. His sisters, lost their big brother that day. Tommy's dad lost his only son. Tommy will never see his beautiful children grow up. He will never get to hold grandchildren on his knee. His wife, a widow in her thirties, will not have her husband to grow old with. His children, fatherless, no more catch out in the back yard. No more helping with school work. Their daddy will not be there to witness their great accomplishments or their little ones. A lot was taken from this family the day Zoloft and Wellbutrin took Tommy's life. Rest in peace Tommy, and know that Mommy loves you bigger than the whole world.

Elaine Billings.

If you wish to contact Elaine you can do so via her Facebook page here.

Thomas E. Fort Jr. [42]

Ilion, New York--Thomas E. Fort Jr. age 42, passed away, on Thursday afternoon on September 8, 2011, In Ilion, NY. He was born on January 25, 1969, in Ilion, son of Thomas E. Fort Sr., of Ilion, and Elaine P. (Baker) Billings, of Ilion. He graduated from Utica College with a degree in Criminal Justice. On September 23, 1995, he was joined in marriage with Tina M. Failing in Annunciation Church, Ilion; a union of nearly 16 years. He entered into service with the New York State Police on October 12, 1992, and earned the rank of Investigator on February 4, 1999, an eventually the rank of Sgt. on May 3, 2007. During his eighteen year tenure with the State Police, he was a hostage negotiator, crime scene technician and a polygraphist.

Tom was successful in the personal roles of his life and devoted to his family which earned him the admiration and respect of his wife and children. He served as an excellent and inspiring role model while performing his duties as a New York State Trooper and eventually as a Sgt. and Investigator. He loved sports, golfing and especially coaching his children's sports teams. Tom will be forever remember by his family and friends.

Survivors include his beloved family family; his wife, Tina M. (Failing ) Fort, of Ilion; a daughter Morgan Fort; a son. Brett Fort; his mother and step-father Elaine and William Billings, of Ilion; his father, Thomas Fort, Sr., of Ilion; mother in-law Donna Bailey, of Little Falls; father in-law, Marty Failing; of Little Falls; grandmother, Eleanor Kuhner, of Ilion; sisters and brother in-laws, Nicole and Gary Stuart, of Scotia, and Kelly and Sam Dickenson, of Glens Falls; brother-in-law and companion, Paul Failing and Adrain DePetro, of Little Falls; a step brother and sister in-law, Steve and Amy Billings, of Dolgeville; numerous aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews and cousins; as well as many great friends. He was predeceased in death by his maternal grandfather, Frank Baker; paternal grandparents, Leland and Betty Fort; and by an uncle, Robert Fort.




If you would like the opportunity to write a guest post for this blog then please contact me using the contact tab at the top of this blog or contact me via my Facebook page [click the Facebook logo below and 'Like' page]

JOIN THE FIDDAMAN BLOG ON FACEBOOK

Type in the name of the drug you have concerns about in box below.

Guest Post: Sertraline Sufferers Stand Up and Be Counted!

Today's guest post comes from Sheila Herd who authors the Prozac Withdrawal blog. Sheila, like many others, feels the need to share her experiences because doctor's, drug companies and medicine regulators seem far too busy burying their heads in the sand.

Here's Sheila's story:

Sertraline Sufferers Stand Up and Be Counted!


It can often seem like it’s all about seroxat (paxil) to us folk struggling with the other SSRI’s; Seroxat Mad, Seroxat Sufferers, Paxil Progress, Seroxat User Group, Seroxat Secrets and so on, which is how this post came about, someone piped up  “hey what about us Sertraline sufferers?”, and then I commented about also being a Sertraline sufferer, we were both invited to do a guest post about Sertraline [Zoloft]

I was prescribed Sertraline in 1998 when I had postnatal depression. I went from deep depression/anxiety to euphoria in the space of about two weeks, I felt pretty damned fantastic and became super mum, there was nothing I couldn’t handle. As time went on I continued to feel well but my emotions were dampened down, so I was functioning well, no depression, but no “joy” either, my libido was totally gone but hell who has time for that anyway with a new baby?


After about five months I decided I was feeling so well I didn’t want to be on Sertraline anymore, didn’t read the patient information leaflet or talk to a doctor, not that that would have helped anyway (hollow laugh). I just stopped taking them. My head felt terrible, it began to feel water logged, if I turned my head there was a time lag between my eye balls catching up with the fact that my head had turned, so dizzy, gradually intense sadness would kick in, really really intense sadness and anxiety, oh the anxiety, pumping adrenaline and nerves shot to bits. I went back on the Sertraline.

The doctor told me to do the alternate day thing, alternate days for a fortnight, then every third day for a fortnight, then one tablet a week, I did this various times over the next few years to no avail. I tried a pill cutter and halving the tablet, it wouldn’t break down easily without crumbling so that was unsuccessful. Every time I tried something, I ended up in worse shape than the time before, it was all getting steadily worse. I tried meditation, healing, exercise, cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling, fish oil capsules, NOTHING touched it. I pressured my doctor to refer me to a psychiatrist for advice, but she had no clue and could only recommend switching to another drug. I did switch to Citalopram for a while, and Mirtzapine, I felt constant fatigue on Mirtzapine, and then back to Sertraline.

This is my description of how withdrawal felt from my blog, I only recently found out that what was happening had a name, akathisia:

“5am and for about the 3rd night in a row I’ve barely slept, I can’t stop the adrenaline pumping round my body, my stomach is tightly knotted, I’ve barely been able to eat properly it makes me feel sick. I’m clammy, sweating and crying and P is trying to reassure me, but he has to go to work. I get up and drag myself through all the motions of the day and making sure boys get to school, I feel like the living dead, I make sure they get fed and make sure they and no one else is aware of what’s going on, I don’t hang around at the school gates. Oh I do kind of tell a few people I’m not really feeling right but I play it down. The constant adrenaline is tormenting me on the inside and I can’t stop it. It’s been building up over a period of months and I’ve been fighting and fighting the feelings but it seems to have reached a peak of exquisite torture. It’s like being at the top of a roller coaster that never stops. Someone else mentioned birdsong, and it was a funny thing, the torture was worse in the mornings and over the summer months while it was slowly building, birdsong in the morning outside the window had become a kind of torture as well. I had to go to work only 2 days a week and God only knows how I managed it. I had taken my last Sertraline tablet months ago, and come off it as per the doctors instructions, and now my depression/anxiety was back tenfold to punish me for daring to presume I could stop taking it. I must be wired up wrong, no one else feels like this do they? What is wrong with me? Maybe I really am insane, maybe I just can’t cope with life without my tablets, how come everyone else can cope with life, and I can’t? There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. By now the Orwell Bridge was beginning to look a bit attractive and I just wanted to escape the adrenaline surges torturing me, my nerves were in shreds”.

This was 2003, at the end of 2003 I gave in and went back on the sertraline.

I can honestly understand how suicide happens on these drugs.

In 2006 I attempted another withdrawal, at the same time my father in law became terminally ill, I helped a lot with the hospital appointments and helping my mother and father in law to cope while Peter was working in London, I tried toughing out the withdrawals again, and gave in again. I spent my father in laws final days and his funeral in an unnatural state of euphoria from going back on the sertraline.

So here I was, several years later and no further forward, and not for wont of trying! Everytime I went in a book shop or library I would try and find anything I could about antidepressants and depression, but nothing really enlightened me. I rummaged around on the internet but couldn’t find the answers. Until one day, I was browsing around Waterstones, and “Coming off Antidepressants” by Joseph Glenmullen jumped out at me, I read it avidly, and discovered TAPERING!!!  But, all the examples in the book referred to liquid Seroxat or Prozac, I was really upset to find Sertraline was not available in liquid form. Armed with my new information about the simple concept of tapering, further digging led me to Dr Healy’s protocol of switching to the equivalent dose of liquid Prozac. These two pieces of information became my secret hope, I latched onto them. I decided to take a leap of faith and switch to liquid Prozac. At the beginning of 2007 I marked up my calendar with a schedule, I was going to go down from 5ml to 4.90ml the first week, 4.80ml the next week and so on, as my sons would say “epic fail”.  By about mid February the nightmare was unfolding again and I had to give in and go back to the top of my Prozac dose, I was devastated.

Still I hadn’t given up hope, Peter was sympathetic but he couldn’t understand why I didn’t just give it up and accept I “needed” the drugs like a diabetic needs insulin.

After lots more research, and Peter having interesting and enlightening conversations with a client who was a pharmacist about my problem, I started my taper again in May 2008, this time much much slower and here I am four years later down to 1ml liquid Prozac and still tapering. It has needed a lot of self-discipline. I kept a blog of my progress; I’ve been amazed to meet a few others who have been tapering longer than me.

My blog gradually opened up a whole world of people to me, and many heartbreaking stories of careers ruined, relationships broken and lives destroyed through these drugs. Seems I got away relatively lightly. Every time I hear a story on the news about a high school shooting, the shootings in Cumbria, violent suicides I wonder what the “hidden” story is. There is a huge assumption that these drugs are benign and harmless, they are not; they can cause extreme agitation and internal torture. They are dished out like smarties and people left to deal with the results. Starting them is like playing a game of Russian Roulette, you might be a lucky one who can take them and come off them with ease, or you might not. My understanding was that they were meant to be taken for only a year or so after you feel “well” but many many people are stuck on them for years or forever, I know many people who’ve given up hope of coming off SSRI’s and I hear many people say “oh I’ll be on these the rest of my life”. There is NO support or advice in place through doctors or psychiatrists on how to taper safely off the drugs.  I know Bob has been looking for it as well and has yet to find it....if anyone does find any help in the UK, please let me know, although it’s a bit too late for me now as I’ve almost done it myself bar the last 0.90ml but I know a lot of other people who might like to know!

Thanks Bob for inviting me to write a guest post here, huge admiration for the work you do, keep on keeping on!

----

Sheila's blog can be read HERE

Fid

ORDER THE PAPERBACK 'THE EVIDENCE, HOWEVER, IS CLEAR...THE SEROXAT SCANDAL' By Bob Fiddaman US and CANADA HERE OR UK HERE

AUSTRALIAN ORDERS HERE